love.... being ironic

Just when i decided to fight back mood swings... reality started hitting me ;p... some may agree many wont but mood swings does indicate things or words held back subconsciously waiting in hope to be released from the treacherous barriers of the 'societal bliss'... anyways im wanderin off again...

today i feel happy.. realizing as well finally accepting that... there was an emotion i felt dead.. copule of years back...,in mortal terms - unconditional love... no i dont mean that i felt it didnt exist but yes i started believing i could never love with the same passion... fearlessness and with no restrictions... most importantly knowing that it may be one sided... this note will be a very dear one to me... for those who survive it... and happen to gets hints about what possible aspect of my life am i writing... well keep those thought.. dont ask me ever.. and thats a warning... this will never unfold.. from the 'horse's mouth' .. i might end up confusing you yet not confusing;p... for i have a tendency to wear masks all the time... very few are acquainted mind you acquainted not befriended the real me... the darkness and the honesty is too much to handle... as well as the purity of innocence and the devilish pursuits.. they all form the 'me' ...

bottom line.. dont ask me who , what , where... you will never know who it is... that emotion is for someone who forms a significant part of my life.. yet hides in various persona's ive shared a few preciously beautiful moments...

but its a beautiful feeling... its filled my heart back with 'a heart';p... something i felt was injured and a big black hole was the only indicator.. but yes its healed.. and doing quite well now... my carefreeness is coming back... i can feel those butterflies yet again... i can feel that love and more importantly the ability to love back.. sigh im so proud of myself.. able to write that word .. dat old devilish word called love again.. i can feel my mind buzzing with the tune and lyrics of Alison Moyet's That Ole devil called love again'.,,, damn im just gonna paste the lyrics here.. truely describe my feelings at this point of time...

It's that ole devil called love again
Gets behind me and keeps giving me that shove again
Putting rain in my eyes, tears in my dreams
And rocks in my heart
It's that sly old son of a gun again
He keeps telling me I'm the lucky one again
But I still have that rain
Still have those tears
And those rocks on my heart

S'pose I didn't stay
Run away wouldn't play
The devil what a potion he would brew
He'd follow me round
Bill me up
Tear me down
Till I'll be so bewildered
I wouldn't know what to do

Might as well give up that fight again
I know darn well he'll convince me that he's right again
When he sings that sorry song
I've just gotta tag along
With that ole devil called love

He'd follow me round
Bill me up
Tear me down
Till I'll be so bewildered
I wouldn't know what to do

Might as well give up that fight again
I know darn well he'll convince me that he's right again
When he sings that sorry song
I've just gotta tag along
With that ole devil called love

With that ole devil called love
.....so true.. simplifying my situation now... but trust me i thank for i have tasted this rare poison yet again and that too in a lifetime...

ive loved yet again... and let go;.... and thats been a healing for me... never accepted it ,, never confessed it... but i know he knows... it just its not meant for this point of time.. i do not know if it ever will be acknowledge, accepted or said... but im happy in this state... no i dont year for illusion ,.. its the birth of the feeling, and the enriching brightness that this feeling is getting on to me.. yes im being practical with love... you know it,.. you feel it you move on... not letting it haunt you but enjoying its presence for this moment:)...this definitely doesnt end here.. and i dont want to give away the mystery ............not yet...;p