sleepless yet again...

Its fun to get back to your work... completes you, keeps you on your toes... and shapes you.. believe it or not..sometimes what you run away from might be destined to meet at the most unlikely corner... After spending almost a whole day and night on todays poa... phew! im exhausted... but yes satisfied... happy with a decision to face and overcome these fears... elated to conquer some , accept some and embrace others... the only problem is Im ending up thinking of work the minute i land in my bed.. heck am i actually having work as a partner now????strage but true... is hard working replacing something thats lacking... mmm a thought to ponder over for a few days... some say dont do too much, look busy, show lesser productivity and take more time... yet diplomacy win.,. maybe i have an unrealistic approach .. i would let work speak, initiatives and poviding help to others be a lesson for learning and gathering more knowledge and having a good mix of diplomacy yet sgtrong beliefs,.. its not just about voicing your opinion.. its about voicing it to the right person at the right time... sigh! this post truly reflects that gtangy;s back to the grind... ;p... but yes ive loved writing.. writing anonymously... writing like a free bird.. no one to question no one to think about... just expression just emotions carefully threadied in tangled webs:)

thats me in a corner:)

the unsaid words...

Sometimes words are the outlet but unfortunately they dont reach the source... what/who/why question arises when the blame game begins... and this game is between your mind, soul, heart and the words that reach your mouth... my education in psychology enhances my knowledge about verbal and non verbal language.. trains me to experiment, understand and study human behaviour.. but alas.. what about studying the reasons that makes the moment, that influences the decisions, the circumstances or even the surroundings... if this could pass off as another revelation then so be it... yes im attempting a love letter.. by someone who doesnt believe in it...and yet someone who has felt it and lived every bit of it... maybe this is a transition..maybe this is a compilation.. or maybe maybe maybe its an attempt at capturing a moment... so here goes...


My dear beloved......oh my god im so lame at this.... still a virgin at penning love thoughts;p.;p;p.. well first time's the best;p, hopefully..haa ive left sex and the city's episode to write this .. this better be worth it;p..


phew!!!!!! here goes


when i look at your eyes ... i see something hidden.. could i be in sync with my mind saying that maybe its completely over and we've moved on to another comfort zone.. or is the heart right... saying that there are certain words that were just released in sighs.. slight hidden dimples... a crooked smile;p... well maybe i rather escape to a self created fantasy.. where the latter wins over... but yes thats what i believe in,... something still holds me back.. yet practicality sets in.... but then what is this practicality .. is it following the heart and trusting the instinct and enjoying the wait and watch... or on a completely negative result... clinging on to a hopeless hope... but then im a fool in love.. there's no negative i see in you...


my forbidden fantasy or a more politically correct term is this...


you: ( with a twinkle just near the conjunction  with those expressive eyes.). im trying not to... i shouldn't ... maybe i could.. maybe thats not the right word but then what is it....'


me: i know.. i understand.. if a relationship is what i call it.. ive learnt it the hard way.. not to compare ..not to expect it to be a traditional or even a conventional one... just be ours.. where time joins us, separates us, loves us, hates us.. yet doesnt let each other go...but then i need a sign


you: giving a sign would not be justified.. confessing would leave a pain ... these tears will dry away baby... atleast they might not become the permanent ones..


me: why do you think its permanent? or will be? why do feel it wont when we havent given it a shot...
why do you pre- assume.. if there's such a word..


you: because i know it.. things will come when time is right.. things will flourish when they have to.. i can develop things i can control...... not this... its not ...whats in my hands


me: what is in your hands.. how do know how tomorrow will be... how will you know what can be controlled.. what is holding you back


you: maybe its all your imagination.. maybe you havent realised there's nothing more... maybe like you described this is your fantasy.. you can write and assume what you want .. and maybe your not even on my agenda...


me: ive thought that.. but deep down i know there's a feeling ... its not being stupid its not being irrational.. yes its a gut feeling but its more than that... i can wait... how i do not know ... till when i do not know.. but i believe there is an 'us'..im no longer concerned with when .. i want to enjoy this moment with you... for a change i want to let go.. expose my vulnerable side ... be with you... take that chance... everytime i stop myself from writing or saying your name... there's hope there's joy there's love... i cant be that foolish can i..


you: what do you want? why cant you be sensible


me: dont you ever think i want to be sensible.. maybe this is the sensibility in me.. im not clinging.. i just want to feel whats in your mind and heart.. maybe your not confused and maybe im completely wrong.. but if im right im there for you... ive loved you... i will always do... i dont want to change you .. i just want to cherish being with you this moment... i need to complete this conversation... i need you to complete me.. even if it take years or an entire lifetime.... i need you.. please let me say these things for the last time... please let me confess in you...................